Sometimes you just need to scream into a pillow.
It just so happens that this little quiet innocent piece of a forgotten blog is my pillow at the moment.
I haven't been spending much time with this pillow lately. It's more like one that I put aside carefully as I got wrapped up in the blanket of school.
Speaking of which...my family has been uber-supportive...for which I am grateful beyond measure.
OK - so about that little scream....here it goes.
Lately, there has been a lot of people that I know and love - and people that they know and love, getting caught up in some 'sidelines' and 'distractions'. Namely, things that are of a spiritual nature. I finally have to let it be known how I feel about it.
I am not completely naive to the ways of the world - to the ways of Satan.
Satan has always used the one thing he doesn't have to try and destroy the souls of men - our bodies. I have known this and seen this for a long time. It is in the rampant pornography, the now common foul and vulgar swear words regarding bodily functions, the glorification and normalization of extramarital sex.
What else besides a mortal body for progression has Satan lost? Oh yeah, a family. So he attacks the very foundational unit of eternity - the family. I have been seeing and noticing these things were happening for a long long time. As a 5 year old I remember hearing the word "divorce" for the first time and actually crying into my pillow that night as my little 5 year old self tried to comprehend that such a word even existed. It seemed so contrary to anything 'normal' in my eyes. But over the years - I have begun to accept this and many other sad mortal ailments for what they are: the effects of human choice coupled with bounteous influences from Satan. I see it in the subtleties of everyday life - the degrading of parents in television and media, the popularization of teen motherhood, the Hollywood version of the 'perfect life' being all about finding and maximizing ones' SELF, never about sacrificing one's self for a marriage or a family. The steady increase in contraception, abortion, and general 'out-datedness' of having anything more than 1.2 children.
The worldliness is something that I kinda saw coming as well. We are all guilty of it to some degree or another at times in our lives. People spending more time ON-line than IN-prayer. People seeking for glory and praise rather then giving it to God. People concerned more with what they HAVE than what they GIVE. People worrying about material possessions and homes and clothing and styles more than they do about their church callings and teaching their families the gospel.
What I DID NOT SEE COMING or even imagine at all was the silent crumbling of faith in the prophets and apostles. The lack of reverence for their counsel and love. All my life as I would read scriptural accounts of people 'stoning the prophets', I fathomed it could possibly happen in our day, but it would be coming from the anti-Mormons and those people who just didn't understand the Church – not in a million years did I imagine it would come from a former Church leader in such a public mockery in a court of law.
Something else that I NEVER EVER IMAGINED is that the women of my faith would be so tempted to wish for priesthood. I have thought intensely about this and I honestly cannot fathom WHY they are seeking for this? It is such a sacred and holy gift – meant to be used to bless ALL of God’s children. Why are they doing this? In the name of “being heard” or “opening dialogue”? I have been an ordinance worker in the Holy temple of God. I have had the privilege of participating fully in pronouncing beautiful blessings from the Lord – but even in that very act I didn’t desire to be given the Priesthood.
Is there even such a thing as a priestesshood?
I don’t know.
I don’t feel like I need to know.
I don’t feel like I need to press the prophet to find out.
There are just too many beautiful mysteries ahead that I am content to spend all my days on the Earth praising the Lord for the bountiful mercies and love He already bestows on me.
I am a most unprofitable servant with the treasures I now have – why would I ask for more?
Every time I get to the 29th chapter of Alma, I read and feel empathy for the desires of Alma’s heart when he exclaims “Oh that I were an angel”…
Because let's face it - sometimes don't we all just want to shout it from the rooftops. (Or into a bloggy pillow?)
I know I want to.
With all the love in my heart, I want to say to the women who are currently seeking for additional powers:
“Can you not see the power that is IN you?
Can you not see the greatest power in this world – to create human life – is already within YOU?
There is no greater power, no loftier goal, no higher aspiration, no grander position than to be able to bring forth the children of the Most High God to their next estate!
Wake up! Wake up women!
And then FALL to your knees in gratitude to your God for what He has entrusted to you.
Stop spending your days in a vain and selfish pursuit for more when you don’t even realize the magnitude of what you have.”
But alas, I ought to be content with the testimony in my own heart, the love in my home, the covenant-keeping spouse that honors his priesthood with diligence, and the seven sweet spirits in my care.